See you later Bean, we love you always.

Getting pretty two summers ago.

Bean always watched over the babies.

always close to us, even when we didn't notice her.

First Halloween back in Montana.

The great squirrel hunter!
 

Beans Auntie Lupe, waiting for her in Heaven

Our sweet Gemini also waiting for her.

The sweet Bean.

Nearly 10 years ago, in Whitefish MT., puppies were  the talk of the groups I hung out with. I chose a Newfie mutt and named her Oza. She stayed in Minneapolis when I left over 5 years ago. A friend of mine chose a tiny, black female. No one really knew what they were mixed with but they looked like mini black labs. This pups first name was Knuckle Bean. She was terrified of skateboards, loved Denny's food (a bartenders saving grace at 2a.m) and I saw her all the time at BBQ's and at Whitefish Beach. My friends and I took our dogs every where. They were included in trips to Tally Lake, camping trips around Whitefish, hiking to fresh tracks, and ran behind us while we raced around on snowmobiles. Everyone knew every ones dog by name and it was not uncommon to go to a house party where there were more dogs than people. When Beans owner was hurt, she moved around from house to house as people tried to accommodate her. My house was the last in the rotation. I think it has been about 8 years since I told James (the man watching her before me) that I could take her for 3 days, max. So, here I was. Around 25 or 26, a bartender, a constant party seeker, a snowboarder, a hiker, and I had three dogs and rented a house that should have been condemned long before I got to it and for sure AFTER I lived in it. I had no business adding to my little family. I had Gemini, a wonderful Shepherd that knew all the ins and outs of my life, a dog that could maintain any situation I put her in, and I had a Newfoundland mix puppy, Oza. I made great money but I also spent money not so great. Another dog was the very last thing I should have been contemplating.
As it turned out, Bean became mine. I dropped the Knuckle, I didn't like the sound of it and she was sweet and kind and small, like a Bean. I don't think I ever claimed Bean. I don't think I even claimed her yesterday when the Vet came to end her suffering. I always introduced her as "this is Bean, I was watching her for 3 days and that was years ago." I always felt like I had to make an excuse that I did not pick this dog out, she is not my type, I am doing someone a favor. Last night as I cried for her I was sorry for my feeling toward her. Bean was the sweetest spirit I have ever met. She had kind eyes, worried eyes. Eyes that begged to be loved and begged for just one more ear scratch. She loved to chase balls, squirrels, and anything that moved too fast away from her. She hated birds, and barge noises. She loved to beg, she loved cucumber peelings. She loved to lay on pillows and chew her toenails (GROSS!). She loved to have her belly rubbed. She loved kisses on the end of her nose. She loved ice cubes. She loved to sit behind the driver so that she could squeeze her tiny head between the seat belt and the door frame. She didn't know how to swim when I got her but one summer in Ely Minnesota she had a pack of Golden's, Gemini and Lucy show her the ropes. She was always the smallest, unless we went to Lala and Papas and then Lupe and Bella were her "underlings". I am sure they still bossed her around as Bean did not have a mean bone in her body.
Before I left for the Philippines and my girls stayed with Mom and Dad, Bean grew a "cherry" in her eye. Most common cause is stress. She was a worry wart. She never healed from that but it became like a birth mark. A reminder to me always that I stressed her out. It took a while for Dana and I to be in a place (emotionally and physically) that the girls could join us in Phoenix. When they came down our little family seemed complete. Two people, two dogs, new house, newly married, we didn't need anything else. When we got pregnant with Autumn, we decided that we had to make changes. No more dogs on the bed, especially the pillows. I think Bean took that the hardest. Even last week I found her on the couch in the middle of the night, sound asleep and unaware I was next to her, she lost her hearing about a year ago. She rolled with the punches though. She has been Autumns shadow since we brought her home from the hospital. Her favorite place to sleep was under Autumns bed, IF Autumn was in there. Lately, we would find her in Autumns old room that is now a playroom, shedding her jet black hair and leaving her scent. When we moved to Lewistown, she took the trip with one of my Dads, Papa Bruce. They have always been buddies and she even lived with him for a time while I was clueless in northern Minnesota. This girl has been around. Just like her sister Gemini.
I told Dana last night that it is so sad how our girls became shadows after we started having kids. Rides in the car ended, walks were few and far between and unless the kids noticed them I do think that sometimes I didn't notice if they were even in the house. I feel very sad for the way my girls, my war buddies, were pushed aside.
A dear friend to me came over yesterday before we had decided to let Bean go. I confessed my guilty feelings and cried to her. She listened and later gave me the best advice I got yesterday "you go out there and you tell Bean what you have to say to her, she will hear you". Oh my God. Help me. I climbed under the stairs with Bean after Dominic went down for his nap and Autumn was with her Grammie. I wrapped my arms around her and I sobbed. I apologized for treating her second best. I rubbed her belly and told her I wish I had done this more. I scratched her ears, riddled with stink because she has had an infection since living in AZ and I told her I do not regret one day that she has been mine. I told her she is the sweetest, kindest spirit I have met, animal or human. I thanked her for her years to us and I thanked her for her patience and tolerance with the kids. I told her I would miss her and I told her to have fun running and swimming and playing with Gemini. I told her I was sorry. I held this 50 lb girl that has given me her everything and never once gave up on trying to be the best dog. I told her I loved her so much and that I was so proud of her and that I would miss her. I cried thinking that the two girls that watched me finally grow up were now gone.
Thank you Bean for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for being the best dog anyone could have and thank you for sticking with me through super thick and extra thin. Thank you for helping me become a "grown up". I will miss you forever. I will love you forever and I will think of you always. Thank you for being such a wonderful girl.

Rest in Peace, we miss you Bean Goodan. (apx. Mar.02- Nov.19, 2013