Hello January, goodbye Uncle Steve

I will have to see if I can add photos at the end as the computer is slow while I have Pandora going. I have it on the Enya station. It tends to be the only music that can really help me to figure out what I am feeling. I hope tonight is no different.
January came up on us so quick that we had nothing planned for sweet Dominic's first birthday. We had ideas, but nothing set, no invites out, no decorations ordered, no surprise quests arriving, no surprise announcements (at Autumns one year we told Grammie Jo her fourth grandchild was on the way). We finally did a fbook invite quick like and Dana did running around town for decorations and stuffing for the store bought pinata. Grammie Jo had asked if we would like her to make the cake and of course we said yes! Her cakes are incredible and she cuts out a lot of the choogar so the little ones can enjoy it too. It was a tough morning as neither one of us were feeling 100% but we put on our best game face and celebrated  Dominic's birthday with a few friends and tons of food. His actual birthday we spent a quiet night at the B. Goodans as I was just at the beginning of the sick. Blah blah blah. His party was cute, and fun and lots of laughs and we got most of it on our new camera. So for a Dommie update, he is 21.5lbs, 29in and has a 19in dome. Yes, a genius like his sister;) His one year apt. went great and the doc was impressed with his vocab that seemed to grow over the weekend. He now says "Mama, Dadadadadadadada (all the time if Dana is in earshot), ball, dog, NO, wow, Hi, owie, whoah, and balloon. He signs "more, his own combo for change, eat, and drink", usually he nods and grunts. He is much more into body language and volume of that language. We are very proud of him.
Autumn has been a little trooper with brother following her everywhere and wanting anything she thinks of touching. One night last week I asked if she would like a fish? She said yes and that she would name it PB. I thought for peanut butter, so why not get two and name the other one J. We planned an impromptu trip to GF and headed out the next morning. She and I went shopping with gift cards from the holidays, took our picture in a little kiosk and met with Mother and Raquel for lunch. I had just been with Mom and Dad with Dominic so it was nice to have a day with Autumn. It reminded me of the little treks she and I would take in Phoenix, we just took off. I knew we had most of the day as we had a local man, Frank Ross paint our living room, hallway and entry way (he did amazing!). So, we picked out two fish. PB, a red Betta and J, a blue Betta. PB died on Friday and J followed on Sunday. It was not hard to tell Autumn about them. She didn't ask about PB until Sat. and wasn't too concerned as J was still there. Once J took his leave it was a little more difficult. "Where's my fish Mom. I need to feed him". I simply said "He's in Heaven Autumn, we will get you new fish when we go see your cousins on Friday". "Okay Mom". Just like that. No question of where is Heaven, who is Heaven, or why the heck would our fish want to go to Heaven.
It really wasn't that big of a deal. At the time I thought it was cute.
Yesterday I got a text "Pray for Steve....taken by ambulance" Okay I will. As soon as I get a second. At the moment I was caring a boy with a full load. A few weeks ago when I got a text "Pray for Raquel..." I dropped everything, I took Autumns hand and I prayed. I prayed out loud, I cried, I begged. Yesterday I prayed for Steve, to myself, when I thought about it and text my mother for updates. Steve has ALWAYS been a constant in our family. A reliable. A "don't worry if you can't get to it Steve will do it". A "don't worry about him because he will always be there". Last night Steve died. I left my phone on waiting for a text and my mother and probably my sister did the same thing. We aren't his blood though. The hospital had no idea how important this man is to my family... to my Mother and to my Dad. I am thankful that my Aunt Raquel saw him before surgery that he had a kind smile and a wicked humored women to tell him see you when you get out. I want to have the trust of a child. He's gone to Heaven...Okay. I want to be okay with God for taking someone close to my parents. I want to be okay with all the hurdles my parents are thrown. I hate technology sometimes. I hate that very important things are shared this way or through a text or on that damn facebook. I miss hearing it from someone really meaning you hear it from someone. I'm sad for people that are finding out Steve is gone on a computer. I know that I didn't cause this, I know that when it is your time it is your time. But I wish I had taken Doms hand and prayed with him for our friend. Just so maybe he would have got the message when he got to Heaven. Thank you for the many years of true friendship Steve, even when it was not given back to you with equal compassion. I wish I had tried a harder to love you like my parents do.