The shadows are gone gone gone

One year and four months of regular trips to GreatFalls, about an hour and a half away (unless Autumn is in the e.r then its less than an hour) and I have received a speeding ticket. I am not blonde, nor do I have a cleavage (I lost that after the babies were done breast feeding) and I was not feeling witty. I really honestly had to pee! I thought ' I can tell the officer I had no idea that I was speeding "oh my gosh how fast?" as I twirl my hair that is growing out and looks like I blew it dry with the wrong end of the blow dryer'. Or ' i will keep going and act like I don't realize he is pulling me over then by the time I get the last 4 miles to Stanford he may have his gun drawn but I can tuck and roll into the gas station and save the embarrassment of peeing myself with my ninja like cat reflexes and maybe just get tazed in the meantime, but wait, don't you pee yourself when you are tazed?' So, I pulled over. I knew I was speeding and I might as well tell the truth. It did not soften his heart, he must have daughters. He said "Would you like me to follow you to Stanford?" Basically, can you wait while I give you this ticket or do you want to make a grand entrance with me behind you waiting for you to give you your ticket after you empty your bladder. Ugh. I held it and took my lumps. Ten mins.later, a facebook update while he wrote the ticket, shame as the semis I just passed puttered by and twenty dollars down I was on my merry way. 
I still made it on time and enjoyed a morning of shopping with my Mother, lunch with her and Dad, and a run in with Ya Ya Kay, and finally the last of a three part class of introduction to diabetes. I missed the middle one. Isn't there a line in a movie "what was the middle part?". It was good info but the delivery could have been a bit more exciting. I'm glad that I was able to go to two of them. My in laws Mamma Jo and Papa Bob are so great, especially the last 10 months, of giving Dana the day off so I can go to GreatFalls. They have really stepped up and made my first family their family and all my concerns their concerns. They are great people and I am blessed to be apart of their family. I love them.
My trips to GF started when we moved here because obviously my other family is there. Then they became trips of support for Mother and Dad while she fought Cancer. Every argument, resentment or bad thought was blown away in the wind. I thought my Mother was going to die. I told her friends, my sister and myself out loud that she was going to beat this with flying colors but in my mind I was screaming at God. How can you take my Mother! She just became my true friend. I would ask my husband "what am I going to do when she dies how am I going to survive?! What about me and my life!" I was terrified. It was of course all about me. I tried my hardest to hide this selfish terrible negative thought. I tried not to hug her too tight or say I love you too much or look at her like people look at someone that is sick. I kept telling myself I would get over this dark cloud. I must have been in denial or acceptance or some step to what I have no idea.There had to be something wrong with me to think this way. I waited for a call that would be I had to get to GFalls that minute. I never got that call. I watched my Mother go through this battle with her head held high while she lost her hair, her eyebrows, her eyelashes. She still laughed, she still joked, she even made boob jokes when they scheduled her mastectomy. I couldn't cry too much and I still really haven't but I watched. I watched my family that always "faked it till we made it", make it. WE MADE IT. We became a closer family, the grudges I could almost see on my Mothers shoulders aren't there anymore. She walks different. She's lighter and she smiles. She blows things off. I forever wanted to be strong like my mother, to NOT cry, DO NOT SHOW WEAKNESS, blah blah blah. Now all I want to do is just cry. Just do it. Who cares. I want to be like her and love like her and give like her and keep one foot in front of the other, "put a hand on each cheek and hold onto your ass".
Last week the kids and I went to the "ringing of the bell". It is a bell in the waiting room that the people ring three times after they have completed their treatments. Autumn threw up in the car on the way there, Dom peed through his diaper and clothes but we were there. Colleen was there already and walked to the car ready to help me unload the babes without being asked. She's a good person like that. She whisked a still a bit queasy Autumn inside out of the wind while I got Brother. While I was changing Dom on a fancy couch she had wipes out a diaper ready and walked away not expecting a thank you or even acknowledgement. These are the types of people that my parents have always surrounded my sister and I with. Great People. People in my life are incredible. I am so thankful that God gave us this journey through fear and the unknown with wonderful people. Ever step of the way His hand has been in it.

Dana and I sat the other night in awe that Dominic is going to be 1. "Where did the year go?" Without thinking and not meaning it bad or with regret I said "Cancer". Of course we have had a wonderful year but there has been a shadow and that shadow is gone. GONE GONE GONE. It has left us better. Our family that talks about everything and throws the guts of a problem on the table and tosses them around came out a little harder for wear but we made it and we are incredible.